Jake is my middle child who has not so patiently been waiting through three other birthdays this month until we can celebrate his on the 31st. He became particularly annoyed with me when I wasn’t able to switch my birthday on the 14th with his. He said, “Mom, I know that you know I really want my birthday to be here. I wish you’d help me out and just trade. People don’t like people who are selfish.”
Jake, who will be four next weekend, is a funny kid. He sees the world in a different way, and has been telling it like he sees it since before he was two. People who spend time with him marvel at his ability to talk nearly nonstop with little transition between thoughts and little need for whomever he’s speaking with to be fully engaged in the conversation. He’s also well known, even at his young age, for being very expressive. He’s a boy who my Mom says will never be a poker player because of the way he wears his emotions right on his face…
Aside from being talkative and clever he’s also very impressionable. Truth be told, Jake is an advertisers dream. He recently paid me a compliment : “Mom, did you know there’s smart, and then there’s ‘Kmart smart?’ I’m pretty sure you’re ‘Kmart smart.”
He also threw another ad pitch at me while I was reprimanding him for a ridiculous mess at the dinner table:
Me: Jake, when you don’t eat over your plate, and jump around in your chair, you are getting food all over the table and floor. All this dirt and crumbs will attract bugs.
Jake: Maybe you should start Swiffering more. Swiffer attracts dirt.
Me: Maybe you should watch less television and eat like a human.
Jake (with a mouth full of food and crumbs falling everywhere): You….Swiffer….More.
Jake also is very literal.
Jake (screaming and crying) at the front door as I’m watering the flowers in bare feet: “Moooooom! Oh, no! Mooooom! Get in here! You’re gonna get bear feet! Your shoes won’t fit and your claws will ruin the carpet!! Mooooooom put on shoes!”
He’s also got big dreams for a boy of nearly four. If you ask Jake what he wants to be when he grows up he’ll tell you an elephant, police man or pizza delivery driver. I’m going to try my best to encourage him in whatever he wants to be, but switching species may prove challenging so I hope he forgets that one soon.
Jake is also the kid who is always listening, and as a result of that constant listening will most likely get me in trouble sooner or later. When he was two and a half, I caught Jake standing on the kitchen table. I told Jake that I saw an elf running through the backyard, and that he was surely on his way to tell Santa how Jake was misbehaving. Jake looked me right in the eye and told me how he thought that elf was “a real asshole for tattling.” Then yesterday he told Joey, “Honey Badgers don’t give a shit!” (If you don’t know what that’s from watch this video here- honey badger is friggin hilarious!). Please dear God let this quote fade from his mind before Catholic preschool starts again in a month…
So happy early birthday to my baby boy! I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next! Don’t grow up and change too much this year, I love you just the way you are now!
Do you have a kid like Jake? Always saying hilarious stuff? Leave me a comment! I’d love to hear from you!
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