Parenting is the most rewarding job that I’ve ever had…
It’s also the dirtiest.
So when Social Moms and Clorox wanted to know if I was interested in helping create words for the Clorox Ick-tionary (and even be compensated for it), I double check my email and confirmed that Merriam-Webster hadn’t come calling for help expanding the English language yet, so I decided to go for it.
Why not, right? I’m a mother of a seven and a five year old boy and a three year old girl. If there’s one thing this Mom knows, it’s messes.
Sometimes I even play games with myself like “Find the smell” or “Name that Gooey Substance.”
Do you know what a cracker, soaked in juice, half chewed and left at the bottom of a toy box looks like after a few weeks?
But you know, not all the games I play are as fun or as easy as the others which leads me to my first word for the Clorox Ick-tionary:
So what is it? Well in my house it’s a noun, it’s brown, and it scares me every time I see it.
Example of actual Smoodge before Clorox:
I’ve spent the better part of the last six years potty training toddlers since I so cleverly spaced my kids exactly two years apart. Smoodge is something that immediately sends me scrambling for the Clorox wipes while desperately trying to remember who, if anyone, ate chocolate last and exactly when that occurred.
Even after my kids were potty trained, do you really trust what a three year old is doing in the bathroom all alone with the door closed?
I know I don’t.
What I’ve learned though is that 9 out of 10 times Smoodge is chocolate…however, the one time it’s not, be ready to do some serious cleaning.
Which leads me to my second word for the Clorox Ick-tionary:
This one, also a noun, came to me right after I got to thinking about Smoodge. That one time that Smoodge isn’t chocolate, all I see are Bathogens–
Bathogen: (noun) Any pathogen or germ that lives in or originates from the bathroom.
Again, having three little kids, and having spent so many years potty training all of the kids right in a row, has left me with black light eyes. I can walk into a bathroom and just see where the microscopic germs are colonizing.
The toilet seat.
The toilet’s handle.
The light switch.
The door nob.
Lots of bathogens which leaves me thankful for Clorox.
So what words would you add to the Clorox Ick-tionary? Do you have any games like the ones I play (where no one really wins)? Leave me a comment and let me know!
This blog post is part of a paid SocialMoms and Clorox blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own. To read more posts on this topic, click here.
My back ached a little but I remained hunched over thinking how there are few things less pleasant than being splashed in the face by toilet water when you’re getting sick…
Unless it’s when you’re helping someone else get sick like I was…
Only a few days before I had one of those Mom premonitions that I had hoped wouldn’t come true.
The kind of thought that could have been based on previous experience, or knowing a run of good luck (and health) was bound to come to an end, or perhaps a sixth sense.
Make that a sick sense…
So as the Kindergartners went up one by one to receive their diplomas last Wednesday, and they said one little boy’s name with the mention that he tried to be there but puked in the office, I knew.
Our time was coming.
It had been coming.
We dodged it over Easter when family was sick.
We dodged it earlier this month when friends were sick.
Even with just one week of school left – or because there was just one week left – it was our turn.
Jake started with it graduation night, and so far all but my oldest son has had it. Oddly it seems to have impacted everyone differently, but my youngest has been the sickest.
Sunday I helped her as much as another person can help someone when they are sick, and I slept laid on her floor that night and tried to get her to rest if not sleep. Almost as bad as her throwing up was the battle for liquids that began a few hours after the puking stopped.
Trying to explain to a tired, sick, thirsty three year old the need to start with tiny sips over a period of time and gradually working up to larger amounts of fluid at closer intervals was about as pleasant as spooning a honey badger, I imagine.
After about an hour she turned to me, hand on hip and declared, “Listen Lady, you better give me some more juice right now or I’m telling Dad!”
Although she’s still not eating (two days!), she is taking liquids well so I’m not too worried yet. Now that she’s free to drink as much as she wants, she’s not mad anymore either. In fact, she even made me feel appreciated for all the time I’ve spent with her the last few days, particularly in the bathroom. We had this conversation just a short while ago:
Her: You’re pretty good at wiping butts.
Me: Thanks, I’ve had a lot of practice.
Her: It shows. Nice work, Mom.
She’s also doing a better job resting, most of the time wanting to snuggle up with me. It’s hard not to enjoy the cuddle time even though she’s sick. She’s also asking for more hugs and extra kisses to make her feel better, and has been giving me extra kisses of gratitude too…
On my lips.
Never on my cheeks.
What’s wrong with my cheeks?!
Of course the infected toilet water probably already sealed my fate, so whatever makes her feel better for now. As for what makes me feel better, which I think I’ve mentioned before, is that I like to distract myself with made-up Mom games or songs when I’m up to my neck in “for reals motherhood” as I like to call it.
I’ve been singing this little ditty all day:
kiss goodnight 1
I know I’m not the only one doing this, right? Don’t leave me hanging here – how do you cope when you’re stressed? Don’t say wine either because my stomach is still way to sick for that (a clue I’m really not well). Leave me a comment and let me know! I need all the distraction I can get!