I do a lot of bad gift guides, and it may be a surprise to some of you that outside of my family’s terrible annual holiday gift exchange, most of my other presents are always wonderful (because I buy them for myself).
I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t shop for, buy, and wrap my own presents, I might end up with some of the items on my lists, so this Mother’s Day, as a public service, I bring you the 4th annual Bad Mother’s Day gift list. Use it as a guide for gifts to avoid, unless of course you’re going for a great gag gift, or you hate your Mom.
1. Just a card – Some Moms really hope for a gift that reflects your appreciation for her tireless efforts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I’m not too sure how she’ll feel about just getting a card unless maybe you’re including a gift card to her favorite store or salon. Don’t just grab any card off the shelf either like this one (which is actually from Etsy). Some Moms, like ones who had the terrible awful happen to their lady parts during childbirth and even wrote a story about it that appeared in a best-selling humor anthology called ‘I Just Want to Pee Alone’ might see this card and feel all the feels of a negative moment from motherhood. Don’t remind her about that on Mother’s Day (unless she’ll think this is hilarious – cause it is):
2. Broom & Dustpan Slippers – You might remember the mop slippers from Bad Mother’s Day Gifts 2011, and let’s just say these look even more ridiculous, a little precarious (I know I’d fall), and just avoid anything that doubles as a cleaning tool for Mother’s Day. Source.
3. Roach Slippers – These are even worse than the dustpan or mop slippers. Maybe instead of buying Mom slippers to kill roaches from a distance, you can just hire an exterminator. I promise, she’ll appreciate it. Source.
4. Glitter Shitter- This is a prime example of all bling not being created equal. If you really want to make Moms jaw drop, maybe you could give her the gift of cleaning the toilets in the house until they had an actual sparkle from being so clean. Besides, a sparkly toilet seat is still a toilet seat, and not the best gift for any occasion. Only $117 Source (or available in (real?) gold for $237 from Amazon!)
5. Fancy, Fringy Daisy Dukes – I know that I’ve lamented out loud at no longer feeling like I had the legs to pull off short shorts, but you know what? You grow up, move on and enjoy a nice pair of cropped pants or Bermudas shorts that hit at the knees. Hell, those are even in style these days. Fancy, fringy daisy dukes, which might cover some of Mom’s trouble spots, however, are not now – nor have they ever been – in style. Source.
6. Pillow Ring – You know how Mom always seems tired and says that some days she could just take a nap anywhere? Well, buying her a $45 pillow ring so she can grab 45 seconds of sleep after she eats a luke-warm lunch over the sink isn’t the way to go. Either grab some real jewelry or let the woman take a real nap with an actual pillow for God’s sake! She’s earned that much! Source.
7. Go Girl Female Urination Device – I’m not talking about telling Mom, “You Go Girl!” after she makes a great meatloaf or something, I’m talking about the OMG Go Girl female (travel) urinal device. I don’t know maybe this is great in a race or something (a lot of the pictures depicted runners or hikers), but I can’t get behind this. Since when is popping a squat in the woods harder than concealing a travel rubber urinal, placing it under your shorts, totally over your whoo-haa, and then going girl (and wrapping a dirty Go Girl back up and stuffing it in your sock or wherever you’re hiding it)?! What Mom would really love is to pee alone, without interruption, or having to run into the woods with a funnel to pee in peace and quiet. Thanks to my otherwise Sweet Birdie friend, Faith, for sending this a while back.
8. Burt Reynolds Tea Towel – Since the Lionel Richie Tea Towel was such a popular bad gift over the holidays, I thought I’d remind you all to steer clear of kitchen textiles as gifts…unless they come out with a Channing Tatum tea towel that is… Source.
9. Uterus Flowers – Um. This is motherly, but how about just a bouquet of flowers for Mom? Source.
10. Ensasa Women’S Fashion Muscle Print Spandex Leggings – We can’t all be Maria Kang (I still haven’t kicked that cookie in bed habit), but maybe Mom’s working on it and you know she can’t wait to show off her muscles! Well, this is not the way to do it. Let it happen naturally, and should you come across these pants in real life, burn ’em.
So what do you think? Would you be interesting in giving or receiving any of these so-bad-they’re-kind-of-awesome gifts? Leave me a comment and let me know. Still looking for more bad ideas? Check out the bad gifts for Mother’s Day from 2011, the list from 2012, and last but not least Bad Mother’s Day gifts 2013!